THE CONFIDENCE COURSE

The barracks was buzzing with tales of the Confidence Course. Everyone knew a friend from another squadron who had been through the Confidence Course. They talked about swinging on ropes across a river. They talked about climbing walls. They talked about how it was the worst part of boot camp. I listened and wondered how much of all the talk was true. It had been really cold the past few days and we had been marching. We were actually getting pretty good at it. We had a few songs we sang as we marched. Someone would start it off and before long the whole Squadron was singing at the top of their lungs. It seemed like we were one person marching across the pad. You had to listen closely to find a heel striking the pavement out of step. There was one loud thump as all our heels hit the pavement at the same time. This particular afternoon we were told to get plenty of rest tonight because tomorrow we would hit the Confidence Course. We hit the bunks that night with worry about tomorrow. It was daylight before we knew it. Everyone got dressed and we headed across the base to the Course. We formed ranks four wide and prepared to be tested. I saw a fence about waist high right in front of us. I was in the second group of 4 men to run for the fence. I jumped across the four foot tall fence and fell 25 feet on the other side into some half wet sawdust. There were a couple of Drill Instructors who pulled me up and told me to get out of the way before someone else landed on my head. Right in front of us were 4 large poles stretched across a small muddy pond. This was supposed to represent a bridge across a river in a battle zone. Three of us made it across. One fell off and pulled himself up out of the mud spitting out a mouth full of muddy water. Next was the rope swing across a small muddy pond. The guy in front of me swung across the pond, let loose the rope and it swung back toward me. I grabbed it and started my swing across. I almost made it. I felt my shoes drag in the water and I was up to my knees at the far edge of the pond. Water squished in my shoes as I ran to the next challenge. It was a small building with one window. There was a burlap bag hanging over it. We were told to dive into the window, run to one end of the building and ring a bell. Then we were to find a window on the other side of the building and dive outside. Did I mention there was tear gas inside the building? There was several small pails of water inside and the drill instructor flipped a tablet in one of them as I entered. My eyes started stinging and I began to cry huge tears and cough. I couldn’t see a thing. Someone bumped into me. I grabbed his shirt and followed him toward what I hoped was the end of the building. I heard the bell ring as he struck it. I slapped in the general direction of the sound and hit the bell. It rang just as someone grabbed the back of my shirt. Then I heard the bell ring again. I felt along the wall and found the window. I jumped through it and landed on someone else on the outside. I stumbled around and got to my feet. The drill instructor said for us to take a break and wash the gas out of our eyes. There was a big tub of water. I splashed water in my face. Someone yelled not to rub your eyes – just splash water in them. It didn’t take long to clear my eyes but I couldn’t stop coughing. We went back to the barracks where we were told we were scheduled for the 2nd phase tomorrow. They said we had just finished the easy part. I could tell it wasn’t time to be MONKEY'N AROUND.

RIFLE RANGE

It was time for the Rifle Range. We all had to learn to shoot a rifle. Simple – Or so I thought. We formed the Squadron and marched in formation to the Rifle Range. I could hear shots before we arrived. It sounded like a war. The first thing I saw was a table with 10 rifles on display. We were told the first step was to take it apart and put it back together. We stepped up to the table in sets of 10, one for each rifle. The instructor took it apart and we took our’s apart. Then we put them back together. Then we marched over to the Shooting Line. Several men were stretched out on the ground shooting at targets. The instructor told us we all had to qualify. If we did not qualify the first time we would have to return until we did qualify. The guy on the end of the line smiled at me and said hello. I said hello. He continued to shoot. The next day we returned to the Rifle Range and it was time for the test. The first thing I noticed was the same smiling face. He was back again. I asked him what he scored and he said it didn’t matter. He did not qualify so he had to return for a 4th time. I sort of laughed and he laughed too. He told me his squadron was out in the hot sun marching and he was laying stretched out in the shade. Then he smiled a big smile. I decided 2 could play that game. I shot my bullets in the ground 10 feet from the target. The instructor checked my rifle. I continued shooting into the ground. I had to return the next day. There he was smiling. I stretched out beside him and aimed for the ground. I fired all my shots 10 feet in front of the target. It was time to retrieve targets. All of us went to our targets. Mine was full of holes. I had several bulls eyes. I qualified as an expert marksman. I looked around at smiley. He smiled a big smile and said “One of us is enough. We don’t want to confuse the instructor.” I earned an expert marksmans ribbon by just MONKEY'N AROUND.

RUNNING

They call this boot camp for a reason. That started the speech by our fearless leader. It was late at night and it had been a long day. Everyone sat on their footlocker at the end of the bunk. As motor mouth talked he paced up and down the floor with a big grin on his face. I think every man sitting on the lockers wanted to wipe that grin off his face. He strutted like a peacock. His shoulders were square and his hands were swinging by his side. He told us to get a good rest tonight because tomorrow was going to be rough. We are going to run. He said “I want you to hit the floor tomorrow morning at 5 am. The dress will be PT Shorts and a T shirt. I want you to wear your PT running shoes. We are going to start off with a five miler around the parade ground. Then we will have a light breakfast. After breakfast we will have a 30 minute rest. That will give your breakfast time to settle on your stomach. Then we will run some more. I have not made up my mind how many miles we are going to run. We’ll wait and see.” After his speech it was lights out. It seemed like I had just closed my eyes when the light switch was flipped on and we hit the floor. I was dressed and ready in a matter of three minutes. We were out the door and lined up for our run. We had to run in formation. The first time around the parade ground was slow. The second time around we picked up the pace. The third time around we ran wide open. I made it around the fourth time with a little heavy breathing. The fifth and last time around was rough. Everyone made it and we marched to the Mess Hall for Breakfast. It was a light meal of dried toast and coffee. After breakfast we had the 30 minute rest before heading out to the parade field. Then we had a repeat of the first time out. One easy lap, one medium lap and three fast laps. Motor Mouth was leading the way. He stopped for a five minute rest and told us that was the slowest five miles he had ever run. He said we had run a total of ten miles and we had 10 more to go. We did those 10 laps without a rest period. When it was all over we were dead tired. We returned to the barracks and lined up in formation for another speech. He said we were going to rest a day from running and then we would do it again. The next day we did some easy marching. Then we ran again. We followed the same routine for the next three weeks. I will have to admit we were in good shape due to a big Motor Mouth. There wasn’t much room for MONKEY'N AROUND.

INSPECTION

We had some great inspections. I enjoyed them. You just had to know it was all a game. The inspector was trying to needle the Airman. He wanted to get under your skin. Everyone stood at attention at the foot of the bed. He put his nose against yours so you could smell his breath. Just before he yelled Inspection he would take a big bite of onion or garlic. He was playing a game. He looked you straight in the eyes. He backed off just a bit and made sure you were shaved. He looked at your shirt pocket looking for an unbuttoned button. Sometimes I would reach up and unbutton one just to give him a thrill. Then he looked at your belt buckle. The silver had to shine. The shirt buttons, the edge of the belt and the zipper of your pants had to be exactly aligned. Sometimes I would stand straight until he looked down. When I could see his eyes move I sucked in my gut to make the pants move. It drove him crazy. Then he looked at the shoes. Spit shined shoes were a must. Once you got the hang of it you could really make them shine like a mirror. He would reach in his pocket and pull out a laminated newspaper article. He would put it close to the toe of your shoes. It was an article showing a picture of him when he was promoted to Airman First Class. It had a little write up with his name for the folks back home. One time we were standing outside the barracks getting ready for the rifle range. I asked him “How old is that newspaper article? I bet you’ve carried it for 5 years.” I could see the mean look in his eyes. I was pretty good at MONKEY'N AROUND.

FORWARD MARCH

Let me tell you a little about marching. Our Squadron was 4 men side by side and 25 men deep. We had 101 men in our squad. The one odd man marched at the front left side of the squad with a long flag pole so everyone in the squad could see it. The flag displayed SAC which is an abbreviation for Strategic Air Command. We always started with our left foot. The count was one, two, three, four – one, two, three, four – or Hup, two three four. Hup took the place of one. We started out with simple marching in a straight line. When we got to the edge of the marching field the Drill Instructor called “Flight Halt” and we stopped. He yelled “Flight” on our right step and “Halt” when our left foot hit the ground. Then he yelled “About Face” and we turned around to return to where we started. He also taught us “Left Face” and “Right Face” which were the basic steps. Near the end of the day we heard “Flight Halt” and we all stopped. Next we heard “Left Face” – “Right Face”- “Left Face”- “Right Face” – all at once. When he stopped we were all facing different directions. We couldn’t keep up with the commands. He walked straight over to me. He yelled right in my face. “Airman, you don’t know your right from your left.” He had a small rock in his hand. It was about the size of a quarter. He said for me to hold out my right hand. I did. He put the rock in my hand. Then he said, “Keep that rock in your right hand so you will know which is your right hand. You can give it back to me at the end of boot camp.” I carried that rock from January 20th until May 2nd. When I handed it back to him he laughed and said I could keep it for a souvenir. That was May 1962. I still have it in a box in my sock drawer. I take it out occasionally and rub it for good luck. That little rock has given me some real good luck over the years when I was MONKEY'N AROUND.

THE MESS HALL

In the military there are many names for the Dining Room. The Mess Hall was the most common name. I really don’t know why it was called the mess hall. The food was not a mess. It was really very good. They had great meals. However, it was boot camp. There were different rules to be followed. We marched to the Mess Haul. We stood in line, single file, outside waiting for our turn to march inside. Once you got to the door you could look inside and pick up the routine. Each table had 4 chairs. There was a serving line. There were metal trays with individual sections for food. Each man picked up a tray as they stared straight ahead. Drill instructors walked around making sure everyone in line stared straight ahead. They kept screaming out – What are you looking for Airman? The servers heaped spoons of food on the trays. No one asked what you liked or didn’t like. Then it was on to the table. As I said before there were 4 chairs at each table. The first man to arrive at the table held up his right hand with three fingers raised. That meant there was room for 3 more at the table. When the next man arrived one finger was lowered leaving 2 raised. Then it was 1 finger left for 1 more person. As soon as all 4 people were present they were seated. The first man asked the blessing. Those were the only words spoken during the meal. You were allowed to look straight ahead or down at your plate. Drill instructors were yelling – What are you looking for Airman? After a few minutes the DI stepped up to my table and said – Your time is up. Take your tray to the door. Then all 4 people stood together and marched for the door. Someone stood at the door waiting. When I arrived at the door I had some food left over. The man at the door scooped up some beans in his hand and put them in my shirt pocket. He told me we were not allowed to waste food and I could save it for later. From that moment on I cleaned my plate. That food in my shirt was wet and sticky and that big drill Sergeant was not MONKEY'N AROUND.

FOOTLOCKERS

One of the things that sticks out in my mind is Footlocker Inspections. My footlocker held a lot of things. My underwear was stored in the bottom of the locker. I usually had two pair of boxer shorts and two undershirts. They had to be folded in a specific way. First you placed the boxer shorts face down on the bed. Then you folded the left side toward the center. Then the right side. Then you folded from the bottom toward the top. Then you turned them over. Then you pressed them flat with your hands. They were stacked one on top of the other. The shorts were placed on the left side of the locker. Your undershirts were placed on the right side. The shelf was placed on top of the shorts and undershirts. Next were socks placed in the left side of the shelf. They were folded into a Cadet E. That is too hard to explain. Tooth paste and tooth brush were in the center. One of the favorite things for the inspector to do was to squeeze the tooth paste tube when he picked it up for inspection. The squeeze made the paste squirt into the cap of the tube. Then the inspector called you a dirty slob. The punishment for being a dirty slob was extra marching or push ups. My buddy gave me an answer for the squeeze. Clean the cap carefully. Before you put the cap on the tube you blow into the tube pushing all the paste to the bottom. The inspector squeezes the tube, removes the cap and it is clean inside. Your razor and shaving cream was beside the tooth brush and tooth paste. The cream comes out the top of the can. The small hole must be clean. You pull a straw out of the broom and clean it carefully. Be sure to leave the cover over the place where you press to get the cream to come out. If you don’t the inspector will press it when he picks it up for inspection. You have a spare sock in your pocket at all times. You slip it over your hand when you handle anything in your locker that will leave finger prints. I learned quickly that you will not pass inspection every time. There are always tricks the inspector uses to outwit you. If you pass inspection half the time you are lucky. It’s all in the game and the game is MONKEY'N AROUND.

GI PARTY

We had 2 people in charge of our barracks. The Sergeant in charge was Sergeant Simpson. He was a big man. He was older than his assistant. He was bald. I believe he had been in the Air Force for a long time. He was the boss. He had an office in the barracks. He was always doing paperwork. He had a file cabinet with a folder on each Airman. The other man in charge was an Airman First Class. His name was Airman Smith. He was the one who did the physical training. He yelled and screamed all day. I don’t know if he did any paperwork. He may not have known how to read and write. He was good at his job. He said the first day that before it was over we would all hate him. We did. On this particular day he told us we were going to have a GI Party. It would start at 6 pm. We all cringed. We knew he had something devious in mind. Anyway, 6 pm arrived. We heard him coming up the steps. We stood at attention at the foot of our bunks. He told all the men on the left were to fill their buckets with soapy water. All the men on the right were to fill their buckets with clear water. All of us had stiff wire like brushes. Everyone stripped down to their shorts and tee shirts. Then we all divided up into teams of three. We moved the bunk beds to the center of the room and started scrubbing the floors on our hands and knees. We scrubbed half the room. Then the guys with clear water moved in with their mops and started clearing away the soap. Once the floor was clean everyone got blankets and started drying the floor. After that we applied wax and buffed it with our blankets. I looked at the clock on the wall above the door and it said 9:30. We had been working for 3 and one half hours. We moved the bunks to the clean side of the room and started on the other side. That side only took 3 hours. We put all the beds back in place and put away the equipment. By the time we finished showers it was 2 am. Airman Smith said we had better quit partying and get to bed since we had to be up at 5. I just barely closed my eyes and it was time for another day. This was not going to be easy. No time for MONKEY'N AROUND.

BARRAKS - BUNK BEDS & FOOTLOCKERS

We all had haircuts. We had a bucket full of clothes. We headed for the barracks. It was a big building. It was two stories high. We went inside by squads. Some Airmen were already in the barracks when we arrived. I was assigned to the upper floor. The bunks were two high. There were two rows with an open space right down the middle. I ended up in the third bottom bunk on the left side of the room. There was a mattress rolled into a cardboard tube at the head of the bed. There was a blanket, two sheets and a pillow with pillow case. There were two footlockers at the foot of the bed. All the bunks faced the aisle in the center of the room. The Airman who had the top bunk told me he would help me get settled. We unrolled the mattress. Put on the sheets and pillow case. The blanket was left folded at the foot of the bed. He opened my footlocker. There were a few things inside. There was a razor, blades and shaving cream. There was a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush. No comb - we didn't need one. There was a can of black shoe polish and a shoe brush. I still have that shoe brush today. In fact I used it to shine my shoes this Sunday morning before Church. I first saw that shoe brush in my footlocker on January 18, 1962. That makes it 50 years and 9 days old. I still use it once or twice a week now. The Airman who gave me the helping hand was Robert G. Neth from Eugene, Oregon. He taught me how to make the bed, arrange the footlocker and shine my shoes. I will never forget him. Later on we did some wild MONKEY'N AROUND.

THE BARBER

I marched ( walked ) along with the rest of them to the Barber Shop. We had to stand outside for a while. Our drill instructor went inside to announce our arrival. Two barbers came outside and looked us over. The walked all around us shaking their heads. Finally the first two men went inside. They were there for about 5 minutes before they walked out to face us. I could not believe that the longest hair on their head was the eyebrows. You could see the sun shining off the top of their heads. Everyone laughed until they called in the next two airmen. Same results. I was one of the next two. I walked inside and hair was all over the floor. It was a mess. I sat down in a chair and the barber handed me a hand held mirror. He asked if I wanted a trim. I said yes. He turned on the clippers and went right down the center of my head. It reminded me of the stripe in the middle of a road. Then zip, zip, zip and all my hair joined the rest of the hair on the floor. He took the mirror from me and yelled "Next". I walked outside and everyone laughed. In less than an hour all 40 men had haircuts. Then we marched off to the barracks. I expected to see small little rooms with bunk beds where we could really do some MONKEY'N AROUND.

GETTING STARTED

After the welcome speach it got very quiet on the bus. Everyone looked around at everyone else. Then a little skinny guy came running up the steps yelling for all of us to get off the bus. The bus unloaded in about 2 minutes. He kept yelling for us to get in a line. We started our line one behind the other. He yelled for us to stand side by side 6 men across. Six men stood side by side and six more got behind them until all of us were in line. Then he grabbed one at a time and placed us just like he wanted us. The short guys were in front and taller guys at the rear. He told us to look to our right and left and memorize the faces. From this moment on we would line up this way. He yelled out that we were going to get uniforms and shoes. Then it was "Forward March" and we started off for the Supply Building. There was a counter and stacks of clothes everywhere. Someone yelled "Shirt size" and I said Medium. He handed me three shirts. Another one yelled "Waist size" and I said 32. He handed me 3 pants and a belt. The uniforms were olive green and the belt was blue with a silver buckle. Someone else yelled "Shoe size" and I said 10. I was given a pair of black boots and 6 pairs of socks. By this time I had an armload of stuff. Then I was given a bucket to carry all this stuff. I stuffed it all in the bucket. We gathered in our group outside and I found my two guys. I got in step between them and we headed off down the street to the barber shop. As I stood in line outside the barber shop I looked at the uniforms. The pants were 34 instead of 32. The shirt was a large instead of a medium. I was afraid to look at the boot size. Our next step was to visit the barber. It was time for some MONKEY'N AROUND.

LACKLAND AIR FORCE BASE

The bus parked in front of a big building which I learned to call The Barracks. It was big. When the bus stopped everyone started to stand. The Sargent at the front of the bus told us to hold up a minute. He had something to say. He explained that the drill instructors would be on the bus in a few minutes. They would tell us where to go and how to stand. He advised us to listen to all they had to say. He told us these instructors had a job to do. They were going to teach us how to be soldiers. They were going to teach us how to become one person instead of a bus full of individuals. All of us would be called Airmen. The instructors would learn our names in short order but for now we would all be Airmen. He explained that their job was to teach us and to weed out those who were not up to the task at hand. Our job was to learn. Our job was to learn under pressure. Some of us would think we were being treated awful. We would be angry all the time. He told us to get over it. Show the drill instructors that we were men and we could take it. Don't let them get to you was how he put it. Stand up and be a man. Those who could not would not be welcome in the Air Force. I soon learned that was going to be a challenge. I thought I could do it because I really do enjoy MONKEY'N AROUND.

CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA

After I signed a few papers in the Recruiter's office I was told that my enlistment would be for four years. I would have 4 years active duty and 2 years inactive duty. My enlistment date would be from January 16, 1962 until the end of December 1965. I was also told that I would be taken to the Induction Depot at Charlotte, North Carolina. I would report back to the Recruiter's office the next morning at 8 am for the bus ride to Charlotte. I was to bring a tooth brush, toothpaste a razor and shaving cream. The Recruiter shook my hand and returned to his sandwitch. I left and went back to work. I told the boss I was turning in my resignation and I was entering the Air Force. He said they would mail my check. The furniture delivery service lost their best delivery man. I left work at 5 PM. I went home, gave my car to my brother and gathered my things for the trip to Charlotte. I didn't have a shaving kit so I put my tooth brush, toothpaste, razor and shaving cream in a paper bag. I went to bed early and was up early the next morning ready to see the world. My brother drove me to the Recruiter's office and I boarded the bus for Charlotte. It was 75 miles from home. I had never been 75 miles from home in my life. There was a USAF Sargent on the bus. He told us we had a lot to look forward to in the next few weeks. It was the job of the personnel in boot camp to root out people who were not able to meet Air Force standards. We would be treated as one person. We would all be called Airman. We would want to quit. He said he had faith that all of us would make the grade. I was not so sure because I enjoy MONKEY'N AROUND.

VOLUNTEER

Monkey'n Around has had 2 themes up to now. My first 28 posts were about my married life. I felt like readers would enjoy funny things my wife and I have experienced over 45 years of married life. Some readers thought they were funny. The next 21 posts concerned things that happened to me during my first 17 years on the farm. These posts brought back memories from long ago. When I first started writing these posts I thought it would be difficult to remember things that happend way back then. After a couple of posts I found it was easy. My next few posts will be about my life in the Military. I decided that I would enlist in the Military after high school. I had a job. I worked 5 days a week. It was boring. I wanted to see the world. I read all about join the Navy and see the world. On my lunch hour I decided to enlist. I remember it was on Friday. In our home town all the branches of the military were together in one buiding. I opened the door and peeped inside. It was lunch time. Everyone was at lunch. The Navy desk had an OUT TO LUNCH sign. The army desk had an OUT TO LUNCH sign. The marines had an OUT TO LUNCH sign. The Air Force desk had a guy with his feet on the desk. He was eating a sandwitch. He had a glass of water to drink along with his lunch. I guess he was too cheap to go out to eat. I joined the Air Force. Everyone else was OUT TO LUNCH. In the posts to follow I will tell you about my 4 years in the United States Air Force. It's a story about MONKEY'N AROUND.

HARD WORK

There is a lot of hard work on a farm. A lot of the work is done in the hot sun. You feel it all over your body. It beats down on your head. Sweat pours down your face. You feel it on the back of your neck. You feel it on your arms. Farming is not easy. A lot of things happen out in the field. When you are plowing behind a mule you do a lot of walking. That's why you wear brogans on your feet. If I knew I was going to do a lot of walking behind a plow I wore two pairs of socks. It is hard to walk all day with a blister. If you are turning fresh ground you always plow deep and there are big clods of dirt. If you are laying off rows you have to be careful where you walk. If you're walking behind a planter you have to keep off the rows. The handles of the plow keep hitting you in the sides. You have to hold the plow lines so you can't keep the sweat out of your eyes. Then there is the bibbed overalls. A farmer has to have bibbed overalls. The galloses are over each shoulder and they rub against your neck as you walk. I'm not sure how to spell galloses. The best way to describe them are they are like suspenders. The good thing is you don't have to keep pulling up your pants. You can't hold the plow handles and plow lines while you pull up your pants. I really didn't mind plowing. The smell of the earth as it turned over was one of the reasons. There's something about feeling the earth under you and smelling it that makes you feel alive. The next time you are outside in the garden just pick up a handful of dirt and crumble it in your hand. Then there is hay. We had a mower that was pulled by the mules. There were wheels and belts that made it work. If you were cutting oats the top of the oats flew through the air and fell down inside your shirt. Each move and each step made it itch more. After it was cut we let it dry some before baling. There was a rake. At least you got to ride the rake. There was a big iron seat bouncing across the field. You held a long handle in your hand. As the rake moved around the field it filled with hay. When you got to the drop point you had to push the handle forward. You better hold onto the seat with one hand so you wouldn't fall under the rake. The baler was hooked to a tractor. It didn't belong to us. A nearby farmer owned it. He drove the tractor and we used pitch forks to feed hay into the top of the baler. As you pitched the hay in the top of the baler some of it fell back in your face. Working on a farm wasn't easy so you couldn't do much MONKEY'N AROUND.

SCHOOL

When old people talk about school they all tell about walking 2 miles to school. It seems it rained or snowed every day they went to school. Our nearest neighbor was a half mile from our house. They had several school age children. During my elementary school years I walked to school with the neighbor's kids. They walked a half mile to our house and then we walked 2 miles to school together. Sometimes it did rain. I really don't remember any snow. I had a few chores before I went to school. They didn't really amount to much until I was about 10 years old. Then I started milking two cows every morning. We didn't have electric milkers. I used my hands. I had a bucket and a stool. I fed the two mules a little grain and some hay. I threw out some corn for the chickens. I filled the chickens watering troughs with fresh water. I mixed some wheat shorts with water and stirred it up for the hogs. By the time I got ready for school I was really ready to go so I could take it easy for a while. I loved school. When I got home from school in the afternoon I usually worked on homework like every kid does today. Then about an hour before dark I started on chores. The cows had to be milked again. I didn't have to feed them a lot because they had been in the pasture all day. The same things happened with the mules and chickens. The hogs were different. They were fed every morning and every night. We were usually in bed asleep about 9 PM every night. I remember a little about school. I remember a few teachers. One was pretty good. Miss Ogelsby was great. One was mean. Miss Martin seemed to dislike everyone. I don't know if they were married. We didn't call them Mrs. Oglesby or Mrs. Martin. Miss Oglesby was probably married. Miss Martin didn't have a chance. Who would have her? When I finished the 6th grade I moved to a school about a half mile from the elementary school. This was High School. I was in the 7th grade. I was a little taller and a little more mature. I still loved school. My family was proud. I was going to be the first person in the family to be a High School Graduate. I don't remember a lot about the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th and the 11th grade. It was all a blur and it was time for the 12th grade. I didn't get a High School Annual with all the pictures. I didn't go to the prom. I had never been on a date. There was a lot of things I didn't do. I did graduate from High School. The County Superintendant of Schools gave me a Bible. That was June 1960, I am using that Bible when I teach Sunday School tomorrow morning. It's a little worn. It's showing it's age. But then I am too. I will be 69 years old on June 5th. That's a lot of MONKEY'N AROUND.

MOLASSES

Do you like molasses? Hot buttered biscuits and molasses were made for each other. Just like Romeo and Juliet. Juliet standing on the balcony and beautiful smile on her face. Romeo below, looking up at her with loving eyes. Beautiful music in the background. As a young boy I knew nothing of Romeo and Juliet. I knew about sugar cane and molasses. A plate of molasses and a hot buttered biscuit looked like a wonderful breakfast to me. It all started with sugar cane. We didn't plant sugar cane every year. We always had molasses left over from the year before. About every other year it was sugar cane time. We had a 50 gallon drum full of sugar cane seed. We cut the tops of the cane off and saved the seed for the next planting. At the end of summer most of the crops have been harvested. The land is plowed and ready to rest through winter. It's time to plant sugar cane. The seeds are planted close together and we will get a solid straight row of sugar cane. There is not a lot to do to the cane once it is planted. It comes up, grows and covers the field in green plants. As time goes along big seed pods form at the top of the plant. This is where you get seeds for the next planting. There is a lot of skill involved in raising sugar cane. Someone has to be really experienced to know when to gather the seeds and when to cut the stalks. After the stalks are cut they are stripped of the long flowing sugar cane leaves. We save these leaves to feed the farm animals. Then the stalks are taken to the mill. The juice is pressed out of the cane and cooked for molasses. There is a lot of skill in the mill also. Someone has to know when the molasses are cooked just right. My grandfather knew all these things. He knew when it was time to cut the cane. He knew when to collect the seeds. He knew when the molasses were cooked just right. If you over cooked you would have dark black molasses. These batches would have a bitter taste. My grandfather knew. If you are going to have hot buttered biscuits and sweet molasses, someone has to know. You can't be MONKEY'N AROUND.

RADIO

In 1945 someone might think our farm was in the dark ages. We lived out in the country. I don't mean in a rural area. I mean way out in the country. I was born in 1942. At that time we didn't have electricity. We had kerosene lamps. We didn't have indoor plumbing. We had a well outside with cool clear water. We had an outhouse. I do have a lot of memories about the old home place. We had a fireplace. We gathered around it at night in the wintertime. My grandmother told us about how things were in her childhood. It was all great times. I did not need anything we didn't have available. We had food. We had clothes. We had shoes ( in the winter ). We also had a radio. It was not one of those small things you carry in your pocket. You didn't listen to it with headphones. It didn't operate on batteries. It was not plugged into the outlet in the wall. We didn't have any outlets in the wall. We didn't have electricity. The radio looked like a refrigerator. It was big. It was located near the window beside the fireplace. There was an old Ford Model T outside near the wood pile. The back end of it was raised off the ground and placed on blocks. A saw was rigged up to it. You could crank it up by turning a crank in front of the car. My grandfather would start the car, put it in gear and turn on the saw. It cut wood in small sections that would fit in the fireplace. On Saturday nights he would knock the blocks out from under the wheels. He would crank the car and drive it around to the window. It had a battery but it was dead most of the time. Anyway, he would put some wires from the radio out the window. He would connect the wires to the battery. After it ran for a few minutes the old radio would light up. We would listen to the Grand Ole Opry. Music would play and everyone's foot would pat on the floor keeping time. We heard Grandpa Jones and Minnie Pearl. Hank Williams was a favorite. When that radio cranked up I just knew we were rich beyond compare. We had it all. You don't need anything else when you're MONKEY'N AROUND.

SAWMILL

There was a lot of trees on our farm. We had pine trees, popular trees, oak trees, maple trees and even cedar trees. A neighbor knew a man with a sawmill so we went for a visit. It was a great experience. There was a mountain of sawdust. There were logs two men could not reach around. There was a big saw that ran with a huge motor. It was loud. The saw screemed when it cut into the wood. The log moved along on a carriage as the saw did it's work. The saw cut planks off the log as it slowly passed. Then it would back up to it's original position. A man would turn the log over with a "canhook" to give the saw a fresh place to cut. Then it would head for the saw again. We decided to move the sawmill to our property once the work was done at our friends farm. A month passed and two big trucks came to our house. They brought about half the equipment. We went down through the pasture and found the place for the sawmill. It took about a week to get everything set up and ready to work. We walked through the woods and the trees were marked that were to be cut. The workers knew their business. In a couple of hours there were a dozen trees ready to be taken to the sawmill. I started work as a "lumberjack" with an axe cutting limbs off the trees. One of the real "lumberjacks" taught me the tricks of the trade. By the end of the day I couldn't straighten out my hand. It was as if I was still holding the axe handle in my hand when I got back to the house for supper. I had blisters everywhere. My grandmother put some salve on the blisters and wrapped them with clean cloth. The next morning they were sore. She said I was going to take the day off - no cutting with an axe - I was to rest at home. Her word was law. No questions were asked. I rested. My hands rested. The next day I went back to the woods and my hands were ready for the axe. After that I was introduced to Dolly - a huge horse. Dolly was big. She must have been a Clydesdale. She would back up to the end of a log and I used a big hammer to nail a spike into the log. This spike was on a chain which was pulled by the horse. Dolly would run through the woods with the log trailing behind. Once it got to the sawmill it was put on a carriage for the saw. It would soon be turned into lumber for houses. I learned to turn logs on the carriage. I learned to shovel sawdust out of the sawdust pit. I did everything but work the saw. The man who owned the sawmill did the actual sawing. It took years of experience and a lot of skill. All I did was a lot of MONKEY'N AROUND.

WOODS

Our farm was not very big when you compare it to farms of today. We owned 100 acres. I would guess that over half the farm was forest. We worked the land and raised farm animals. As children we spent a lot of time in the woods. Usually we went into the woods on Sunday after church. At my house there was no work done on Sunday. We had chores in the early morning and in the late afternoon. The animals had to be fed and cared for but there was no field work. Sunday afternoon company came to our house. Most of the grown ups sat in the yard under the big oak tree. The men talked about farming and the women talked about women things. There was a lot of things for the kids but I really enjoyed exploring the woods. We had trees to climb, vines to swing on and places to explore. Even though I visited spots last Sunday there was always something new to see this Sunday. We had two creeks on the farm. One was bigger than the other. The biggest one had rocks and the water rushed over them. You could slide down the rocks into deeper pools of water. You could swing on a vine and plunge into the pools. We had a great time in the creeks. There was a place we called "The Big Gully" where erosion had washed out a gully about 500 feet long. You could stand on the edge and reach over to touch the top of pretty good size trees. You could stand on the ground down in the gully and the sides were as tall as our house. We had caves dug into the sides of the gully where we played. We had a couple of chairs and an old table in the cave. We had candles for light. Once in a while after a big rain some water got in the cave but that was very unusual. There were all sorts of things to eat in the woods. We knew where to find muscadine vines. Muscadines are like grapes. They were juicy and very sweet. We knew where to find plum bushes covered with bright red plums. We had some wild cherry trees. There were also persimmon trees. At just about any time of the year we could find something to eat in the woods. We made slingshots and bows and arrows. We had a great time in the woods - just MONKEY'N AROUND.

GARDEN

Every farm needs a garden. When you don't have cash money you have to raise most of your food. We had a big garden. I'm going to tell you about it but I first have to tell you about our plant room. We had a big corn crib. We pulled corn from the stalks in the fall and stored the ears of corn in the corn crib. There was a lot of corn. Some of the corn was for the farm animals and some was for corn bread for us. There was another room behind the corn crib. It was a little smaller room and had 4 windows. The windows were for light. This is where we grew our garden plants and we needed to let the sunlight inside. There were shelves along the sides of the room. They were covered with tin. A little lip of tin hung out over the edge of the shelves and it was turned upward to make a small trough the entire length of the shelf. The plants were placed in small boxes on the shelf. When they were watered the extra water ran along this trough and went in a bucket at the end of the shelf. We had tomato plants, squash plants, cucumber plants and watermelon plants. We saved seeds during the year to grow plants for the next year. Everyone works in the garden. It is one of the most important areas on the farm. The land is plowed deep with one plow to make the dirt loose. Then the land is disked with another plow. This breaks up clods of dirt and makes the land smooth. We carry trailer loads of dried cow manure and chicken manure to the field. We scatter it all over the field and plow it again with the disks. We let that set for a day or two. Then rows are made with another plow. The garden is near a creek where we can get water for the plants. We have four buckets which hold 5 gallons of water each. We have two lengths of boards with slots in both ends. There is a thick cloth wrapped around the center of the board. I take two of the buckets to the creek and fill them with water. I put one on each end of the board and pick them up from the center of the board. After a few trips to the field it is easy to balance them as you walk. It doesn't take long to make a path. It is my job to keep all the plants watered. Gardening is hard work but it pays off. We always had mason jars full of canned tomatoes, Cucumber pickels and squash. We had peanuts and potatoes. We had green beans and peas. If you could grow it in a garden we had it. We had our good times too. I remember sitting in the shade eating watermelon and MONKEY'N AROUND.

BIB OVERALLS

Back in the early days on the farm, all the men and boys wore Bib Overalls. If you Google Bib Overalls on the internet you read some interesting things. Wikipedia has a lot of information about Bib Overalls. It says - Bib Overalls are usually made of denim and often have rivited pockets, similar to those on jeans. Bib overalls have long been associated with rural men and boys in the South and midwest especially farmers and railroad workers. They are often worn with plaid flannel shirts, long johns or a red union suit underneath, or with a T shirt or no shirt at all in warm weather. These are trousers with an attached front patch covering the chest and with attached front braces which go over the shoulders. Overalls became clearly work clothes and were reserved for that purpose for a long time. Wikipedia left some information out. Maybe they didn't know about it or maybe things have changed in this day and time. When I was young we didn't live in rural areas. We lived in the country. We went to school in town. Our town wasn't big enough to be called a city. It was just another small town in the south. Town kids called us Rednecks. That was because we worked out in the sun and we had a farmers tan. We didn't get it at the beach. Most of us didn't know what a beach was because we had never seen the ocean. Our necks had a good brown tan. So did our arms. The tan on my arms started just at the end of my shirt sleeves. I looked funny when I took off my shirt. Town kids laughed. Usually there were about 30 kids in a class. Usually there were 28 Town kids and 2 Farm kids. The other kids laughed at my Bib Overalls and Plaid shirt. It hurt a little when they laughed. I'm lieing. It hurt a lot. I pretended it didn't bother me, but it did. Then I noticed the other farmer in my class had on blue jean pants. I didn't know where he got them. When I went outside for recess I asked him about it. He told me his secret. He tucked the bibbed part down in his pants. He wore a belt so it looked like he was wearing jeans. I didn't have a belt. He said he had another belt at home. The next day he gave it to me at recess. I took it home and hid it. The next morning I wore it under my shirt until I got to school. I went straight to the bathroom and tucked the bib into my pants. I put on the belt. It worked. It looked like I was wearing jeans. That was a long time ago but it sticks in my memory, even when I'm MONKEY'N AROUND.

HAY

When you live on a farm there are animals. There are chickens, hogs, cows, mules and maybe even a goat or two. They have to eat. Back in the 40's and 50's we had all these animals. We raised most of the feed. One of the crops was hay for the cows, mules and the goat. We planted oats and field peas for the best hay. We had about 2 acres devoted to Peas. The peas were planted in early spring. We had a 55 gallon barrel full of peas. The ground would be plowed and peas planted. The peas started off as plants about 1 inch tall and grew to waist high. We would pick the peas and shell them. We put them in the barrel for next years planting. Then we would cut the pea vines, let them dry in the field, bale them and store them in the barn. We had a machine that baled the pea vines and oats. There was a lot of work in baling hay. We used pitch forks to put the vines in the baler. My face would be wet with sweat. Each fork full I threw into the baler would leave dirt flying through the air and caking up on my face and neck. As the sweat rolled down my face there would be little streams of mud going down my back under my shirt. The oats were worse. Little pieces of oats would get under your clothes and itch the whole time you were working. Oats were everywhere. They even went down in your socks. When we finished baling there would be more than a hundred bales of hay scattered over 2 or 3 acres. We had a big flat bed trailer used to pick up the hay and take it to the barn. I usually stood on the trailer and stacked the bales as they were tossed up to me. We also baled hay for other farmers. After we stored our hay in the barn we moved the baler to their farms. We baled hay and stored the bales in their barn for 5 cents a bale. That was good money back then. I found out real early that you can't grow shoes. You have to buy them. You can't grow bibbed overalls. They cost money. I worked all day in the field for those shoes. That made them wear just a little better. Things like that stick in your mind even when you're just MONKEY'N AROUND.

HOGS

Back when I was a young man it was fun to live on a farm. I lived on a farm through the 40's and 50's. We didn't have very much money but we had all we needed. We raised our food. We had all sorts of vegetables we raised in our garden. We had milk, ham and eggs. I'm going to tell you about the ham. Ham comes from hogs. The hog pen was near the foot of a hill about 300 yards from our house. The reason it was so far from the house was because of the smell. A hog pen smells bad. The more modern word is Pig Sty. We had a hog pen. We always had 1 Pig which weighed around 30 or 40 pounds. We had a young hog which weighed around 100 pounds. Then we had an older hog which weighed over 200 pounds. My grandfather said we needed one starting, one growing and one ready to eat. The hog pen was a good place for the hogs. There was a lot of mud in one end of the pen. Hogs love to roll around in the mud. The other end of the pen was dry. The fence around the pen was sturdy. It was a little over waist high. The dry end of the pen had a couple of sheets of tin over the top where the hogs could get inside out of the rain. We always threw in a few clumps of straw where they slept. The hog trough was near the fence so you could pour the food over the top without going inside. We fed the hogs food scraps and hog feed. We fed them and took care of them because they kept us fed. We had bacon, sausage and ham. One of my chores was "slopping the hogs " every morning before school and every evening about an hour before dark. I mixed wheat shorts with water and stirred it until it was a thick liquid stinking mess. The bucket held about 5 gallons and it was heavy. I had another smaller bucket with food scraps. I lugged them to the hog pen and poured the slop over the fence into the trough. It always splattered on me. Never failed. It wasn't a good experience. It had to be done so I did it. That was the good part. Now I'm going to tell you about killing the hog, cutting it up, making bacon and sausage. No I'm not. I am just MONKEY'N AROUND.

CHICKENS

Like every farm in America in the early 40's we had chickens. Chickens provided eggs. They also provided Sunday dinners. Let me tell you a little about our chickens. Our chickens were free to roam around in the barnyard. They also could be found in our yard at our house. They were in the front yard. They were in the back yard. They scratched around in the flower beds. They were in the garden. They would peck holes in the tomatoes. They pecked holes in the watermelons. We ran after chickens all day long. When the chickens were in the flower beds you had to wave your arms and yell "Shoo" to scare them away. When they were in the garden you had to yell "Shoo" and scare them away. If "Shoo" didn't work you could always toss a rock or a clod of dirt. We had to water and feed the chickens every day. Their water was kept in the barnyard under the shade of a big oak tree. We didn't have any fancy water holders to water the chickens. We made their water holders out of tires. We cut the tires in half and turned the inside facing upward so they would hold water. One of the morning chores was filling the tires with clean water. I had to dump out the old water, draw a bucket of fresh water from the well and carry it to the barn. We usually had 4 or 5 tires that had to be filled. It took a bucket of water to fill each tire. That meant 4 or 5 trips from the well to the barn. After the water tires were filled it was feeding time. I carried a bucket of corn from the barn out to the area where the water was kept under the big oak tree. I scattered it all around the tires so the chickens could eat. Sometimes we had some bought chicken feed to mix in with the corn. Chicken feed cost money so we didn't have it all the time. Most of the time we fed corn that we grew ourselves. There was a roosting area for the chickens. It was a sort of shed built on the side of the barn. The roof of the barn was extended over the roost. It wasn't really a formal chicken house but it worked. There were nesting areas all around the barn. We usually got a dozen eggs every day. There were chickens of all ages walking around in the barnyard. There were young ones getting ready to start laying, some were already laying and others were a little past laying age. Those that were past laying age usually furninshed Sunday Dinner. Some had little baby chickens following as they walked around the yard. The babies chickens were called dibs or dibbies. We had to watch the cats who were watching the dibbies. The cats found out it was easier to catch a dibbie than it was to catch a rat. There was one more thing that involved chickens on a farm. A formal word for this area of chicken farming was Chicken Manure. When the manure under the roosts got to be 3 or 4 inches deep it was shovel time. We scooped up all the manure and used it for fertilizer in the fields. Chicken manure really made the crops grow. That was an awful job. It had to be done so I did it. If you enjoyed scooping chicken manure you really had to be MONKEY'N AROUND.

COWS

When I was very young my grandmother let me milk a cow. It was late in the afternoon. Almost Dark. She sat on a stool beside the cow. The first thing I learned was about the cow's tail. There were flies all around the barn. We didn't have a spotless sanitary dairy inspected by someone from the government. I lived on a farm. It was 1947. I was about 5 years old. The cow swished her tail swatting the flies. You had a choice. You could let the cow beat you on the back of your head or you could tuck her tail in the bend of your leg while you sat on the stool. After a few licks on your head, you tucked the tail. That was an easy choice. I leaned over my grandmothers shoulder and touched the cow. The cow's udder was wet because it had just been washed. I held the teat in my hand and squeezed. Nothing happened. I squeezed again. Same results. My grandmother moved my hand further up the cows teat towards the udder. I squeezed and the milk made an appearance. I kept squeezing and more milk came out and squirted into the pail. It was fun. I knew how to milk a cow. Then I got a little older. It became my job to milk two cows every day. I had to go to school at 8 am. I had to leave home around 7 to walk to school. It was only 2 miles but we played along the way. Anyway, the first thing was to give the cow some food so it would stand still for the milking. I had a pan with some hot water. It was hot when I left the house to walk to the barn. It was luke warm after I fed the cow and got ready to wash the udder. I washed it and put the pail in place. I tucked the tail and milked. One cow had about a gallon and a half. Then I did the same with the other one. I made two trips to the house carrying milk. Then I led the cows from the barn to the pasture. Then I did the rest of my chores before school. Later that day it was time to do it all again. Around 5 in the afternoon it was milking time. I milked both cows again. I did this from the time I was 10 years old until I joined the Air Force. I had other chores but the milking really stands out in my mind. On cold mornings there were no flies but I still tucked the tail. I guess I was just MONKEY'N AROUND.

MULES

We had two mules. One was small and was named Sugar. She enjoyed being petted. We had a Curry Comb. It was a square piece of wood with wire teeth on one side and a leather strap on the other. You could slip your hand under the leather strap and brush the mule's back. She really liked that. You could feed her a handful of hay and stroke her face. She liked that too. She had big black eyes. Sugar was sugar. She was a friend. The other mule was big. Her name was Nell. I had to stand on a stool to brush her back. I was really careful because Nell would kick. She would also turn her head and bite you. I always put her halter on her and tied her to the side of the stall. That kept her from turning her head and biting. I tried feeding her a handful of hay. Once. That was enough. From then on I let her get her own hay. They both were working mules. They pulled a plow. There are two main kinds of plowing. There is deep plowing. Usually that is when you are breaking fresh ground or making terrace rows. There is light plowing when you are making rows for planting or when you are tilling the soil. Each mule had a big leather collar stuffed with some kind of straw. That’s how they pulled the plow without pain. You had to put it around their neck and fasten it at the bottom. Then you put on a sort of wooden harness around the collar. It had chains that hung down from each side. You stretched them out towards the back of the mule and hooked each side to a singletree. The singletree was about four feet long with a hook in the center and a hook on each end. The center hook was attached to the plow and the two side hooks attached to the chain on each side of the mule. There were long leather straps called plow lines that hooked to the mule's bridle. I stood behind the plow and held the lines in each hand. This way you could guide the mule as it pulled the plow. If you wanted the mule to go to the right you gave the right plow line a gentle tug and said " Gee " and hoped the mule would go the right. If you wanted the mule to go to the left you gave the left plow line a gentle tug and said " Haw " and hoped the mule would go to the left. Needless to say Sugar worked in a gentle way. She followed directions. Nell was different. Nell did what she wanted. I used Nell for deep plowing and Sugar for light plowing. I'm not sure how old I was at that time. I can remember the arms of that plow hitting each side of my head when I hit a rock. It's funny how that works. When you are young you want to plow because it makes you feel older. You never get tired. When you actually get older you don't want to plow because it's work and you get tired. Whether you are young or old it always smells the same when you are walking behind a mule. I am almost 69 years old now and I still remember that smell. That's ok. There are other smells. I loved walking across a plowed field. There is a wonderful earthy smell. I loved the smell of newly mowed hay laying in the field. You could pick up a handful of dirt or a handful of hay and smell what it meant to be a farmer. I worked all my life in an office looking out a window. There is a book that says you can never go home again. That's wrong. I can walk out in my back yard with my mower and smell home. In just a few moments I am home. Even though
I'm MONKEY'N AROUND.

CHURCH

I remember going to church at a very young age. I know my grandmother took me to church from the time I was a baby until I was old enough to go alone. I really remember Church from the time I was 5 or 6 years old. At that time Church was about two miles from home. We went to a church in our hometown. There was a big Pot Bellied stove in the front of the Church. It was a big building and it was cold. My grandfather and I walked to Church on Sunday morning. We got there early. Gramps started the fire. He would get the fire started with old newspapers and some pine lighter. We would get a little bundle of kindling from the wood bin to make sure there was a good start. Before long it was warm inside. We would sit around the stove and he would tell me about Church. He would talk about the preacher and the choir. He talked about Sunday School. He was a good Christian man and it showed. His first name was Butler. That is also my middle name. I was so proud to sit by him in church. Everyone loved him. He always took me to the Sunday School Room and he saved me a place beside him in the church service. I loved my grandfather. He was a great man. I am 69 years old now and I still put flowers on his grave on Fathers Day. Sunday School was special for me. I enjoyed the parables. I was very proud when I learned to memorize verses. My grandmother always gave me 4 pennies on Sunday morning. Two pennies were for collection. The other two pennies were for candy from a small general store across from the church. Two pennies bought a handful of candy. I believe the lady who ran the store gave me a little extra because I was a good steady customer. Four pennies were hard to come by back then. I still remember how happy I was to hear those four pennies rattle in my pocket. I can not walk by a penny laying on the ground today even if I am MONKEY'N AROUND.

WELL WATER

Another new year has begun. It is 2011. Times are changing. Let's say you are thirsty and you want a cool drink of water. You have a lot of choices. You can go over to the sink, pick up a glass, turn on the water, fill a glass and take a drink. You can open the Fridge and get a bottle of water. Take a long cool drink and your thirst disappears. When I was a child it was different. We lived on a farm and we had a well. If I wanted a cool drink of water I went outside to the well. There was a box built over the top of the well. There was a bucket on a rope. The bucket was lowered into the well and hauled up to the top. Some wells were 50,
60, 75 feet deep. At that time my family was involved in digging wells. That was hard work. My grandfather and uncle were experts. If a man wanted a new well my grandfather was the man who knew what to do. He had a long string with a nail tied to each end. He would stick one end in the ground. That would be the center of the well. He would stretch out the string and make a deep mark in the ground forming a big circle. He would dig out the dirt about a foot deep inside the circle. Then they started digging. When the well was about 5 feet deep a windlass was built over the hole. Wikipedia describes a windlass as a horizontal cylinder with a rope wrapped around it. There is a handle on each end which is rotated by turning a crank. That sounds
about right. We had a 10 gallon bucket on the end of the rope. It was lowered down into the well, filled with dirt and hauled up to ground level. Someone was down in the well with shovels and picks working. It was hard work. Sometimes you hit a big slab of rock. A hammer and chisel was used to punch out a hole in the rock for a half stick of dynamite. Wires were attached to the dynamite. We hid behind the house and touched the wires to a car battery. Pieces of rock usually came to the top of the well. The rock was hauled out with the bucket and windlass. Then there was more digging. Hopefully, we soon struck water. There
was a hole in the side of the well and water seeped in around the digger's feet. The digger kept digging. It was a good idea to dig about 4 feet lower than where water came into the well. Some people wanted 5 feet below water level. The deeper the better. We also " cleaned out " wells. Over time people dropped various things into the well. Eyeglasses, drinking glasses, sticks, baseball caps and everything else you can imagine. We would remove their well box, set up a windlass and go to work. First you had to take out all the water. Four or five feet of water in a well is a lot of water. That took three or four hours of turning the windlass crank hauling up water and pouring it out on the ground. Then I stepped into the bucket and was lowered into the well. I was 5 or 6 years old at that time. Once on the bottom I picked up everything I could find that had been dropped into the well. I put it into the bucket and shook the rope as hard as I could. The bucket was hauled up and disappeared into the distance. Water started coming back into the well. It covered my feet and then my knees. I looked up and saw the bucket on the way down. It was a welcome sight. I got into the bucket and was hauled up out of the well. I can remember a metal plate I always held over my head when I was in the well. Even a small pebble accidently dropped into the well would hurt if it hit you on the top of the head. I was very careful. Even if I was just MONKEY'N AROUND.

COUNTRY MEDICINE

Modern day medicine is wonderful. Advancements have been made that are unbelievable. We have just wittnessed a lady being shot in the head, a piece of her brain damaged, part of her skull removed, repairs made, removed part of skull replaced and she is now in rehab preparing to return to her job. That wasn't the case 50 years ago. In 1947 I was 5 years old. The doctor came by our house every two or three weeks. He spoke to my Grandmother and asked how we were doing. If someone needed " Doctoring " he did the  Doctoring  and we were ok until his next visit. That got me through my first 65 years. He was a pretty good doctor. He removed my tonsils. One one of his visits my grandmother told him that my youngest brother had a sore throat. He checked his throat. He told my grandmother to bring him to the clinic Saturday to get his tonsils " taken out " and as he left he told her to bring the other two boys and he would do them all at once. I didn't have a sore throat. Saturday afternoon I didn't have any tonsils. My grandmother paid the Doctor with medicine. She gave him medicine. At that period of time there were several whiskey stills located through out the county. The Sheriff would gather up fruit jars of " white lightning " and bring them to my grandmother. She
would add rock candy to the whiskey and keep it under the bed. Rock candy was the standard candy at that time. It was a big treat to get some rock candy. Anyway, the whiskey with rock candy was kept under the bed. When the Doctor had someone with a bad cold or the flu he came by our house for medicine. He would give the patient a small mason jar of medicine with instructions to take a good swallow at bedtime and be sure to keep covered up with a thick blanket. The patient would perspire heavily. He would sweat until the covers were wet. He would do the same thing the next night. On the third day he quit coughing. His fever
disappeared. He was cured. He gave the empty jar back to the doctor. The doctor gave the jar back to my grandmother. My grandmother filled it with more whiskey and rock candy. She stored it under the bed. Research and development is important in today's medicine. Drug companies develop medicines. They sell it to doctors and drug stores. Patients pay big money for drugs. In 1947 moonshiners made medicine. They gave some of it to the Sheriff. He gave it to my grandmother. My grandmother gave it to the doctor. The doctor gave it to the patients. They got well. Most of the patients spent one or two dollars. We all made it
through with a few minor ailments. As for me I'm still MONKEY'N AROUND.

HOMETOWN POLICE

When I was young we didn’t have money but we had everything we needed. We had food. We had a roof over our head. We were in good health. We had good friends. We lived on a farm. We raised our own food. This is about our Hometown Policeman. We only had one policeman. We had one police car. Paul was a friend of ours. About 1/2 mile from our house was a small creek. It was just outside of town. On Saturday afternoon it was a hang out for riff raff of the community. There were usually 6 or 7 cars parked by the side of the road. There in the edge of the trees were men sitting around on the ground. They were sitting on blankets. Sometimes there was one or two women. They played cards. They rolled dice. They drank whiskey. It was just a place for them to get together to drink and gamble. They laughed a lot. Sometimes there was a fight. My bother and I usually hid in the bushes and watched. About once a month on a Saturday afternoon Sheriff Paul would stop his car beside the road near our house and toot the horn. My brother and I were waiting for him. We would run down the road to the creek. We stopped just before we got to the creek and hid in the bushes. Then Sheriff Paul would come riding down the road and stop at the top of the hill. He would turn on his sirene. You could hear the sound echoing off the trees. Everyone would jump up and run for their cars. Some were in such a hurry they would run right out of their shoes. They sped off in their cars trying to escape from the law. They my brother and I moved in quickly. We grabbed blankets, jackets, shoes and change laying on the blankets. We found cards and dice. Sometimes there was two or three dollars in change. We would grab everything we could find and head for the trees below our barn to our treehouse. As we ran by Sheriff Paul's car I could see that sly grin and hear him laugh as he drove out of sight. Our treehouse was full or loot from the raids. Later on I finished High School and went into the Air Force.Four years later I was discharged.The Greyhound bus took me to a town near our small home town and I had to take a Taxi. I got out of the taxi in my small hometown with my duffle bag slung over my shoulder. There sat Sheriff Paul in his Police Car. He was older but I could see that grin. He asked if I needed a ride home. I told him I was walking when I left and I'd rather walk home when I returned. He said he understood. He looked at me with that grin on his face and I heard the familiar laugh as he drove away. He knew I was just MONKEY'N AROUND.

COTTON PICKING

Have you ever picked cotton?  When I was a young boy I picked cotton.  The sun was hot.  The rows were long.  I had a pick sack with a strap hung around my shoulder.  It bumped along on the ground as I moved along the row picking cotton.  My fingers pulled the cotton from the bowls.  The tips of the bowl holding the cotton stuck the ends of my fingers.  They were sore.  I was happy when it came time for a water break.  We saw someone walking towards us with a water bucket and a dipper.  I didn't know or care about germs.  I took the dipper when it came my turn.  The water was warm but it was wet.  It was good.  At the end of the day I discovered I had picked 200 pounds.  That was good for me.  Time passed.  August turned to September and the days were cooler.  In October it was cold.  There was still cotton in the field.  I was given a sock to put on my hand for protection from the sharp tips of the bowls.  We snapped the entire bowl from the stalk and put it in our picksack.  The day was long but the sun wasn't burning our backs.  I was wearing a sweater.  It was nearing dark so we quit picking and went home to do our chores.  Then it was supper time.  After a long day everyone was tired.  There was still work to be done.  A big sheet of cotton bowls was carried into the front room in front of the fireplace.  Everyone gathered around the fire to get warm and to pick cotton.  We pulled the cotton from the bowls and threw the bowls into the fire.  We listened to the older folks talk.  Stories were told.  We had heard them over and over.  It was a wonderful time.  Some of us went to sleep.  I was just MONKEY'N AROUND.

CORN BREAD

Do you like cornbread?  Times have changed but most people still wants some cornbread.  You can get cornbread in a cafeteria.  Sometimes it's cut in squares and sometimes it's in a cupcake shape.  You can go to the grocery store and buy some corn meal and bake cornbread.  If you know how to cook.  My grandmother could bake good corn bread.  She had a wood stove.  You didn't set the dial on 350 degrees.  You just put wood in the fire.  You opened this little door and stuck in the wood.  The oven got hot, the stove got hot and the room got hot.  On a cold winter day there was nothing better than getting close to the kitchen stove and smelling that corn bread baking.  We didn't buy corn meal in a grocery store.  We didn't have money to buy anything.  But we did have corn.  My grandmother would get a clean pillow case and fill it about half full of corn.  It had to be clean corn.  No dust.  No nothing.  Just clean corn.  Then we would take it to Sproozier's Corn Mill.  The mill was about 3 miles from our house.  We walked.  My grandmother and me.  Mr. Sproozer would see us coming down the road.  When we walked inside he would pat Mama on the shoulder and rub the top of my head.  He would pour the corn in the hopper.  Then he would turn the pillow case inside out.  He would give it a snap and pop it in the air.  That would get out the dust.  Then he would turn it again and hang it on the nail right below the chure where the corn meal came out.  He would walk over to the side of the room and flip and switch.  The big water wheel outside would start turning.  The water from the creek rolled round and round the wheel.  Then the big rock wheel would start turning.  In just a little bit you could see corn meal start coming out of the chute into the bag.  Mama would put her hand in the stream of corn meal and get a little for a taste.  It smelled good.  Then I would stick out my hand.  It was hot.  It looked like a coarse powder.  You could stick it up to your nose and smell it.  You just couldn't smell it too hard.  If you did it would go up your nose.  Then you would sneeze and corn meal would fly everywhere.  You wouldn't get a taste because you were MONKEY'N AROUND.

WARM BED

It gets cold at night when you are in a back bedroom sleeping on a featherbed mattress.  Back in the 40's we did not have heat in every room.  It was warm in the main room in front of the fireplace.  Your face was hot as you looked at the fire.  The logs snapped as the flames licked against them.  After a while you learned to turn your back and get warm on the other side.  Those were wonderful times sitting around that fireplace.  I was probably 4 or 5 years old at that time.  I dreaded going into the back bedroom where it was cold.  There was an answer to this problem.  Everyone had a brick.  I had my own brick.  Mama put it over near the fire.  It got hot.  That was my special heating pad.  Mama slid the brick out of the edge of the fire and wrapped it in a big thick cloth.  Then she disappeared into the bedroom.  In a few minutes she announced it was time for bed.  I ran to the bedroom and slid under the quilts.  The mattress was soft.  I sunk down in the featherbed.  The quilts were heavy.  I couldn't turn on my side.  Then Mama put her hand under the covers and slid the big cloth close to my toes.  It was warm.  My hot brick was inside.  I put my toes against the brick.  Suddenly I was warm all over.  I am 68 years old now.  I can still feel that warm brick.  Even when I'm MONKEY'N AROUND.

CHRISTMAS POKE

I have posted a few stories about my married life.  They all happened.  Most of them were pretty funny.  They were all true.  I am going to change things a little.  I am going to make some posts about my childhood.
I was born 68+ years ago.  I don't believe I'm old.  I'm still a young man.  It's all in the mind.  When I was a child I went to live with my grandmother.  She was a wonderful woman.  I had two younger brothers.  We called our grandmother " Mama Rosie " because everyone else called her that -  Mama Rosie was her name.  Sometimes I called her Mama for short.  We were poor.  We didn't know it but we were poor.  I had everything I wanted to eat.  I had clothes.  We were warm in the winter.  I had a bed.  We just didn't have any money.  What could you do with money?  All you could do was look at it.  It didn't do anything.  I didn't need money.  Mama always gave us a Poke at Christmas.  We had some nuts in the bottom.  There were all kinds of nuts.  Then we had an apple and an orange.  On top of the apple and orange was a piece of paper with hard rock candy inside.  It was sweet and lasted a long time.  All you had to do was hold it in your mouth for about 15 minutes and then take it out.  I would put it back in the paper and save it for later.  If you really stretched it out you could make it last for a week.  I didn't have any toys.  I had two brothers and a family.  We played together. We were just MONKEY'N AROUND.

DINNER CRUISE

My wife and I had a vacation in Hawaii.  It was a wonderful trip.  The plane trip was awful.  It is a long way from South Carolina to Hawaii.  It is a 10 to 12 hour flight.  We had a volunteer on my flight.  She weighed in at  250 pounds and had long flowing hair.  She sat right in front of me and flipped the seat all the way back as soon as she fell in it.  Seriously that is a requirement.  If someone isn't there then we have to look for a volunteer.  Another thing she must snore.  Loudly.  That is also a requirement.  We even had an extra this time.  She had a scar on her right cheek.  Went all the way from the bottom of her eye to her mustache.  It was a beauty.  Anyway, we made it to Hawaii.  We did all the tourist things.  One of the highlights of the trip was a dinner cruise.  There was a bus with about 40 adults and 350 screaming, crying children.  It was a very romantic trip to the boat.  It was a big boat.  It had three decks.  We sat on the cheap one.  We didn't have steak and lobster.  It was salad and roast beef.  Stringy, tough roast beef.  It must have been a mean cow.  The seats were at a long table.  Elbow to elbow.  Every time the guy beside me wiped his mouth with his sleeve I got a poke in the eye with his elbow.  The first course was the salad.  Limp lettuce with a choice of french, ranch or honey mustard dressing.  I chose French.  My wife got honey mustard.  It was a little windy.  The guy with the big elbows was wearing a toupe that flapped in the breeze.  Each time the rug lifted off his bald head I could see the MOM tatoo.  First time I have seen a tatoo on top of someone's head.  The salad arrived.  I looked at it and it looked back at me.  There was two globs of french dressing.  Looked like two big eyes.  I picked up my plastic fork and took a bite.  It was lettuce.  The wind blew a little off the fork as I took a bite.  Lettuce was flying everywhere.  I tasted French dressing.  The next bite was Ranch.  Had a little garlic taste.  The next bite was honey mustard.  Don't get me wrong.  I like honey mustard.  As long as I can wipe my mouth with the napkin.  That bright yellow smudge on one's lips is not very attractive.  The main course was next.  Roast beef with steamed vegetables.  It's hard to cut roast beef with a plastic knife.  My big elbow companion had a solution.  Picked it up with his fingers and bit off a big mouth full.  He said it was very good.  The wind was still blowing.  His toupe was still flapping.  MOM was still there.  There was a little trace of honey mustard over the O in MOM.  I tried not to notice.  Then I cut a piece of my roast been.  One side of my bite of roast was a little rough where I sawed it with the plastic knife.  The other side had teeth marks.  It was from my dinner companion.  It didn't taste bad.  I did make it through the cruise.   I found the bus.  We made it back to the hotel.  I was glad it was finally over.  It was ok if you enjoy MONKEY'N AROUND.

CHURCH IN THE WILDWOOD

Many years ago I was in the United States Air Force.  I joined in January of 1962 and was discharged after 4 years service in December of 1965.  Four years is a long time.  I would like to say it was an enjoyable time.  Mother said I should not tell a lie so I won't say it was enjoyable.  I have told a few lies in my time.  Some were whoppers.  Anyway, it was in 1963 and I was in a small town in Pennsylvania.  It was a very small town.  No traffic lights.  No official police.  Just a gas station and a church.  I was hanging out in the gas station.  Drinking a coke sitting on a keg of nails.  A man asked me if I wanted to meet some girls.  I didn't lie.  I said yes.  He said I should come to the Church Sunday night.  I asked why night time and he said because the girls didn't come to Church Sunday morning.  OK.  Sunday night I show up with a buddy of mine.  I went inside and saw a handful of people sitting on folding chairs.  I take a seat.  Right away I spot the man who told me about the girls.  He pointed to two girls sitting in the front row.  At least I thought it was two girls.  I looked closer and discovered it was one girl sitting on two chairs.  She could have used three chairs.  A preacher came down the aisle and walked to the podium.  He says we're going to have the Lord's supper.  That involved a wafer and a small cup of grape wine.  The wafer was dry.  I needed the grape wine to wash it down.  The wine was delicious.  It was also strong.  I had two cups.  After the service everyone walked outside.  My buddy and I talked to a few of the men outside and discovered there was more wine.  Five or six cups later we couldn't walk straight.  That girl started looking good.  I had a couple more cups and she was beautiful.  We started talking to her and then she said goodnight.  I asked her what was going on and she said you two are too drunk.  I didn't care.  I was MONKEY'N AROUND.

TORNADO

I live in South Carolina.  In the summer the temperature sometimes rises to the 90's.  It is not a dry heat.  So many people say that it doesn't feel hot because it is a dry heat.  I really don't know what they are talking about.  I know it gets hot.  If it is a hot day we get thunderstorms.  There is thunder and lightning.  The wind blows.  We seldom have tornadoes.  If we get a tornado warning we really don't pay a lot of attention.  Unless it gets dark at 2 in the evening.  When it gets dark in the middle of the day we pay attention.  Our neighbor has a basement. We usually visit them during a storm.  They look at the window and see us coming.  They know it's getting dark in the middle of the day.  We have a new neighbor.  The family moved in across the street.  There is a husband, a wife and 4 little boys ranging in age from 10 to 3 years old.  During a recent story we looked for them to see if they wanted to go to the basement.  I could see the husband walking across the yard with a ladder.  The 4 little boys were following close behind.  He leaned the ladder against the house and climbed up to the roof.  The 4 little boys followed.  I walked across to their yard and asked what they were doing on the roof.   The husband said " My boys have never seen a tornado and we want to get a good look".  I just had to laugh.  Finally I am not the only one MONKEY'N AROUND.

CAKE

I decided I knew how to bake a cake. We had not been married very long. I served my bride breakfast in bed a few times. Coffee, boiled eggs and toast. A glass of orange juice. The next time I was in the dog house I served breakfast in bed. Coffee, scrambled eggs and toast. A glass of orange juice. A few weeks passed and I tried again. Coffee, fried eggs and toast. A glass of orange juice. I could fix eggs three different ways. That's it. That's all I knew how to cook. I wanted to bake a cake. I waited until she went to the beauty shop. I found the mixer. A big bowl and a small motor boat engine. It looked awesome. General Electric. It made a whiring noise when I flipped the switch. I put flour, milk, eggs and lemon flavoring in the bowl. I plugged in the mixer. It began to whir. It threw out a little flour. I should have put the flour in the bowl first and poured the milk and eggs on top. Then it started going round and round. Some of the gook started coming over the edge of the bowl. Then I found the spatular. It had a long handle with a flat rubber on the end. I pushed the stuff back into the bowl. That is when it happened. The two beaters reached out and grabbed the flat rubber thing. It was hung between the beaters. Then there was a funny burning smell. Smoke came out of the mixer. I grabbed the cord and jerked it from the wall. The motor stopped but the smoke kept coming from the top of the mixer. And the smell. It was awful. I opened the back door so the smoke and smell could get out. A bird flew in the door. He took one smell and flew back out. I cleaned up most of the mess. I knew I had to do something about the mixer. I thought it would be easier if I told my wife before she returned. She could not hit me over the phone. I called the beauty shop and asked to speak to her. The lady said she couldn't come to the phone because her head was in the sink. I told the lady ask her how to get the rubber thing out of the beaters. She did. I heard 20 women laughing. The phone went dead. The lady could have dropped it. She was laughing real hard. My wife came home. Yelled. I bought a new mixer. My cooking career is over. Now I just wash dishes. You know me. I am still MONKEY'N AROUND.

FISHING

My wife and I ( wife ) decided ( I was told ) to go fishing. We were going to a nearby lake. We got everything together. Rod & Reel, worms, chairs, ice chest, sandwitches, chips, crackers, fried chicken ( a full meal ), sweaters ( it was June )and we headed out for the lake. Once we arrived I tried out 6 parking spaces. None suited her. We finally settled on a spot 300 feet from the lake. We put rocks under all four wheels so the car couldn't roll into the lake. I looked for the right size rocks ( that one is dirty ) for 30 minutes. Then I unloaded everything. All of it. People thought we were going to camp out for a week. Then it was time to fish. I thought we were ready. Mosquito spray, sunglasses, caps are all necessary for fishing. It is finally time to get down to fishing. I baited her hook ( don't hurt the worm ). She threw it into the water. I baited my hook and prepared to throw it into the water. She yells " I've got a bite " so I go over to help. We pull in her line. Worm's gone. I re-baited her hook. She threw it into the water. I go back to my Rod & Reel. Worm's dead. Stiff as a board. I pull it off and rebait my hook. I get ready to cast it upon the water. She yells again " I've got a bite " so I go over to help again. We pull in her line. Worm's gone. I re-bait her hook. She throws it in the water. I go back to my rod & reel. Worm's dead. Stiff as a board. I say to heck with it and throw it into the water. She yells " I've got a bite " so I lay down my rod & reel and run to help her. My brand new beautiful rod and reel slides toward the lake. A fish is taking it away. I step on my brand new beautiful rod & reel to stop it from taking a swim in the lake. I hear snap, crackle and pop. Just like the cerial. I help her reel in her 2 inch fish. She says " Honey, have your caught anything?" ( her exact quote ). I sweetly say, No. I'm just MONKEY'N AROUND

FOOTBALL ON TV

I enjoy watching football on TV. Let me say at the start that I have a 42" TV. When you watch football on TV it is just like you are in the game. The big difference is you have a cool drink in one hand and a bag of chips in the other hand. That's not much of a difference. It's all football. Anyway, I was watching a football game in the den. Our den and kitchen is separated by a bar. This bar does not have any drinks. It's just a bar with a lot of family photos. Mostly of my wife and my mother in law. I like it that way. Sure I do. Who wouldn't? Who would have the nerve to say they didn't? Not me. No way. Anyway, I was watching the Redskins and the Cowboys fight it out. Some of it was about the game and some of it was the commentators. The rest was about the Jumbotron. Every play was re-played on the Jumbotron. Every player looks up after the play to see how wonderful they look on TV. On this one particular play the runner was knocked up in the air and did a backflip. He landed flat on his face. Naturally they went straight to the replay on the Jumbotron. The caption under the play said "WHAM"! - - - I yelled out "WHAM"! - - - The commentator said 'WHAM IS RIGHT'! My wife and mother in law were in the kitchen preparing lunch. They both came into the den thinking that somehow the announcer heard me say "WHAM" and answered "WHAM IS RIGHT". They could not believe what they heard. That was 10 years ago. I have not told them about the Jumbroton yet. After all I was just MONKEY'N AROUND.

GOLF

I am not a golfer. I do not golf. I do not like the Hot Sun. I do not like to walk around in the Hot Sun. I do not like to sweat. I do not like to torture myself trying to get a little ball in a small little hole. I will never golf. However, there was a time in 1965 when I spent some time on a golf course. I was stationed at Clark Air Force Base in the Philippines. It was hot. In fact you could say it was very hot. A friend of mine was a golfer. He was not too bright but he loved to play golf. There was to be a big tournament. One Officer, one Sergeant and one lowly airman was to have the priviledge of playing golf with Bob Hope. My friend just knew he could do it. He talked about it day and night. He convinced me to help him. I was to walk behind him and carry his clubs. I did not have to hit the ball. All I had to do was carry the clubs. The big day came and it was one of those very hot days. I don't know how many holes it was but it was a lot. I started off carrying that bag over my shoulder. I was walking pretty fast keeping up with the others. The first 4 holes were not so bad. Then I got tired. I started carrying the bag hanging by my side. That lasted 1 hole. Then I began dragging the bag. As I walked along in that hot sun I began to wilt. That bag was heavy. I took out one of the sticks and dropped it on the ground. In fact I dropped it in some bushes along the course. A little while later I got rid of another one. The bag got a little lighter. All this would have worked out OK if my not too bright expert golfer friend had not needed one of the sticks I "Lost". You would think he could get by with the ones that were left in the bag. Nooo! He should have known before we started that I would be MONKEY'N AROUND.